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Expert answer:Answer each questions and label it for 2 essays, Please use 2 documents for 2 essays What is the author trying to say about this experience? How can you tell?Does the author tell us something important directly? How might they show it to us instead?Is it clear who the author was both before and after the change?Are there things, places, or people in this essay that you would like described in more detail?Are there moments you would like to see expanded into scenes? Conversations you would like to hear as dialogue?What parts of the draft need the most clarification or elaboration? Be specific. Any suggestions for organizing the essay? Are there sections that feel out of place? Things that should be moved or deleted?What are the greatest strengths and weaknesses of your classmate’s essay? Can you point to areas that work well as examples for what to try in places that need more revision?Do you have any additional advice that would help this classmate do well on his/her essay? Share it here if so.Are there particular grammatical mistakes that come up more than once?
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Xinping Yu
English 401A
Mr. Joseph Gilbert
Personal essay
11/22/2017
Attitude about Language
Being in an environment where I can communicate in my private language makes me
feel self-confidence. The reason for this is that private language has helped me build a close
relationship with my family members. Private language has served as an intimate sacred code
between me and my family members. Further, private language has shaped how I perceived
the world. It’s a storage as well as a reminder of my childhood memory and it brings me
peace and intimacy that remind me of my childhood and home. Additionally, language has
shaped my language skills and social life.
In my home country, Mandarin Chinese is the primary language and most of us grow
up by speaking and learning Mandarin Chinese. When we go to a foreign country, we tend to
face communication challenges most especially in English speaking nation. Since English is
the first language in America, I have had to enroll for ESL classes to enhance my English
skills. Even though I started learning English since I was 7 years old but it was different
between learning English in China and America. In American, I have to learn English to go
about my daily operations smoothly. But in China, English is a subject, the goal that students
learning English is to pass tests and exams. Therefore, when I studied English in China, I
didn’t felt lack of self-confidence because I used Chinese in my English class. After I came to
America, the situation was change, I had to use English any time. Further, before I adequately
mastered the English language I had a difficult time making friends as well as holding a
conversation. This situation leads me to seek other Chinese speaking people or reside in
regions where Chinese speaking people are a domicile. Learning English for Chinese people
is very difficult because these two languages have different signs in their structure. When we
are pronouncing words, Chinese tend to be tonal as opposed to English. Moreover, less
culture background and limited vocabulary are other two major problems for me when I am
speaking English. Therefore, when I speak English in classes, I used to draw a wrong feeling
to English speaker. As a result, English speakers find it is difficult to understand a Chinese
speaker speak English. As Chinese, I also face challenges with fluency when speaking in
English and because of that, people perceive me as strange.
I felt lack of self-confidence when I first came to America and had difficulties making
friends and holding conversations. Though I was currently living in America, I grew up in
China with my first language being Chinese. My parents sent to finish my final years in high
school in America. They enrolled me into a Catholic school where we frequently prayed
together and went to church. My earlier days in America was not easy because I was not well
versant with the English language commonly used in America. Since no one spoke Chinese at
school my narrow knowledge of English made it difficult for me to make friends as people
got frustrated whenever I attempted to interact with them because they didn’t have the
patience to put together what I said. Even in social places, I found it was difficult to keep up
with conversations because I found it hard to catch on the things people were saying. In class,
I was missing out on jokes by the teacher because my narrow knowledge of English made it
hard for me to keep up.
To an extent, I felt irritated and frustrated by the communication barrier that I was
facing. When I went to school, all I felt was a deep, endlessly sad sense of not belonging. The
only time I felt at home was in the evening when I went back to the home of the Chinese
family that was hosting me. They communicated in Chinese and this environment gave me a
sense of belonging. Being able to express myself without any difficulties and understand
what people were telling me was heartwarming. Further, my host parents brought me to an
Asian Catholic church. At church there were a lot of Chinese people who spoke Chinese and
being among them and being able to interact with them beyond the confines of home brought
me happiness and made me feel at home. They spoke Mandarin Chinese and it made me felt
no longer nervous and I didn’t resist to talk with them. It was the only social place where I
could be myself without feeling alone and frustrated from being among strangers who never
understood me. However, I didn’t believe in any religion. Every Time I went to church, I had
to learn Catholic. Learn something that I don’t like makes me feel repulsion. I enjoyed the
time I spoke my private language with other people, but sometimes I was unlikely to tolerate
so long as I had to learn a religion which I didn’t believe it. So that when I went to church
with my host parents the forces of repulsion in my mind would be greater than those of
attraction. Therefore, I didn’t go to church that often.
Luckily, my parents enrolled me in an ESL class where I got to improve my English.
This experience made me appreciate bilingualism because I had been conversant with the
English language, I would not have such a hard time fitting in. It also helped me appreciate
security and familiarity associated with private language. In my ESL class, in an effort to
improve my English, my teachers have taken the step to point out why I was having a
challenge with my English classes. By pointing them out, they helped me to address the
problems that I was facing as Chinese in the way of learning the English language. Dealing
with my communication challenges also helped me in my social life as I was able to hold
conversations better than before.
Afterthought
I picked the topic because it relates to me on a personal level. This topic makes me
remembered how I feel when I first came to America. The difficulty came in recounting the
loneliness I endured when I first came to the US. Writing this article was interesting in the
context that I was able to realize the progress I have made in my English knowledge. In
future, I would like to explore the topic of bilingual.
My Experience in American
It was at the age of sixteen when I transferred to live and studied without my family in
united states from China. Since then I have been living in united states, I came back to my
family only on vacation. Many things have happened over the years, especially since I first
landed in my new country. Studying in a boarding school at the early age, gave me some
experiences which up to date I rejoice in them. At the age of seven, I joined a boarding school
in China. I would clean my clothes and make my own independent decisions. This experience
made me very independent. I learned to confront issues head-on and move on with my life.
Some of my choices were good and led me to good things. However, some other decisions
and experiences taught me lessons that I have to become stronger and self-confidence.
My new school was a Catholic High School in New Jersey. On my reporting day, me
being Asian was very challenging. The moment I entered the class, everyone was staring at
me. They were also laughing mockingly. However, I assumed maybe this happened because I
was new to the school. However, this repeated day by day. I was harassed by my mates who
had same age with me, and I felt discouraged. I even planned to move to another school, but
my teacher from agency advised me that this would still happen also if I changed to a new
school. Instead, I was taught how to deal with such situations. I was to ignore them and move
on. This continued until when I joined high school.
One day I visited another school during a school visit. In there I met another Asian of
my age. What surprised me was how he was able to make many American friends. I wanted
to meet him and ask him how he had managed to do this. During our conversation, he
explained to me how he had faced similar challenging that I was suffering until he stopped
acting weird and becoming confident. This way, he was able to make new friends from the
different country, especially those who saw great confidence in him. He then started acting
normal and making friends Thus; the racism continues to grow only if one is in fear of
breaking out the boundaries.
This encounter was changed my life. Before this conversation, I was lived in fear. I
was afraid to ask or answer questions in class because it displayed my lack of knowledge and
understanding. And I was in fear of being mocked and becoming a laughing stock. However,
now I would change to a different person. On return to my school the next day, I greeted my
all my classmates. Though they laughed at me, I smiled back and made some fun of them. I
was very confident in doing this. It made me start made so many friends. I was now a happy
person. I realized, people from different countries are all humans and the color of our skin or
our race do not change who we are really.
Since then, I have viewed human beings as human beings. I have learned to be
confident in all that were doing. I have determined to overcome fear and confront those who
make it. From my experience, I have made it my duty to help all those people who are
undergoing what I underwent in the past. I believe racism is wrong, it affects not only the
person being mocked, but also it hurts those who are mocking people. For this reason, I have
become a champion of peace. I hope people from different religion and race can be friendly
with each other. And I am trying to end any form of discrimination among my roommates
and my neighbors.
Afterthought
I choose this topic on racism because of it deep in my heart. From my personal
experience during my early life, and how this affected me now. I sincerely feel that no one
else should feel the same as me. My encounter with a friend who helps me gain confidence
was changed my life very much, and it made me realized how even simple words could
improve the presence of a person instantly. It was challenging to write the article since these
events occurred the long time ago, and it seems to me that I have forgotten my negative past,
as now I have filled my mind with positive future. However, it’s enjoyable writing this and
sharing my life-changing moment. I would even prefer my message to be received by all
undergoing similar challenges. In future, I want to help people the way I was promoted. And
I want to build confidence among the many kids currently affected by racism.
ENGL 401
Tiancheng Liang (Litten)
November 20, 2017
Attitudes about Language
My own situation was a little bit complicated. I was born in Beijing and I speak Beijing
dialect but for my parents neither of them were born in Beijing and they are all from different
city in China. Therefore, they have their own dialects and it’s different with what I usually
speak with my friends. When I was in high school, I was very sensitive to what they said at
home and I can find out any difference between what they said and I said. Unusually, I’d
point out that what words they were speaking were different with I said and I wanted them to
change their dialects to Beijing dialects. The first reason might be because sometimes when
my parents talked to strangers, I always felt embarrassed. I know this feeling is not correct
but I still felt embarrassed when my parents use their oddly dialects to talk with a native
Beijing citizen since it let me feel that I’m an outsider or I don’t belong to this city. But, I
was born in this city! I do belong here! The second reason is because I have spoken Beijing
dialects since I was born and when my parents use their dialects talk to me at home, it let me
feel not very intimate. At that time, I was always thinking that why other people can use their
most comfortable language to talk with their parents but I can’t. I even always complain my
parents about their dialects and my thought has not changed until I came to the US.
I can still remember the first day that I came to the US. When I arrive my school, I was not
only surprised by how nice people here but also shocked by the language diversity here. Even
if they all use English in public, there still a plenty of people use their own languages as
private languages to talk with friends. The interesting thing is that people are respect to each
other even you say different languages with them. Soon I had some friends from all kinds of
countries such as Vietnam, Korea, and the US. Of course, we use English to talk to each other
but sometimes they will use their own languages to talk with their friends and we do not feel
uncomfortable about this. I gradually realized that people will not feel annoyed when you
speak dialects or your own languages instead they are respect you and they want to know
your cultures. So, I changed my mind to my parents and I will not feel uncomfortable when
they are speaking their dialects since that is their most comfortable way to speak and that is
their private languages. I also believe that when my parents talk to me, they must have
spoken the most gracious language to me and there’s no need to force them to change their
languages to what I like to hear.
In fact, in China there are more than 56 different dialects and some dialects even though you
are Chinese, you can hardly understand it. Last semester, I went to Hong Kong with my
friends and we thought we will be fine if we speak mandarin in HK. However, when we
arrived our hotel and were going to check in by using mandarin, the counter clerk had no idea
about what we are talking about till we changed our language to English. Through this
traveling, I found an interesting thing is that most of Hong Kong citizen cannot speak
mandarin but most of them can speak English. To be honest, I feel a little bit weird that I use
English to talk with my own country’s people. During this travel, my heart also feel a little bit
disappointed since I don’t understand why we belong to same country but we still need to
speak our second language to talk to each other. I hope, in the future, Hong Kong citizen can
also know a bit of mandarin since, from my perspective, this is a basic respect for your
country. I’m not meaning that you cannot speak your own dialects. Honestly, in China, we
have more than 56 dialects but almost every one can speak mandarin. So, what I mean is that
I wish my country become better and I hope that at least we can understand what our own
country’s language.
I pick these two kinds of topic or examples is because it is what I experienced and I learned
something from it and I changed my mind or attitude after I experienced it. I think the best
thing to tell is your personal experience, which is different from what you see on the book.
The most difficult thing about writing this is I need to remember some details and I need to
organize my sentences through my memory. Sometimes, I cannot write down what I really
try to write. So, what I need is to revise my essay several times, then I may figure out what
things things that I really want to tell the audience. I enjoy to write down my personal
experiences and my attitude to share with audiences. After, I finished this paper, I feel I was
inspired by what I just write. There is one thing that I really want to improve which is my
sentence structure is too simple and words that I use is too easy. Sometimes, I know some
advanced vocabularies or sentences, but when I write my own essay, I always can’t
remember those words. I think this would be one of that I need to working on.
My First Time to Get a Driving License in the US
I can clearly remember my first time took driving license test in the US, which is
totally different from my country. In my country, people have take one writing test and 3
different kind of test. However, in the US people only need to pass their writing test and the
having one specific road test and if they pass these two tests, they can get a driving license.
So, for me taking a driving test in the US is an unforgettable memory and it has changed my
mind to a new world since through this driving test I known lots of rules and virtues that I
didn’t know before.
The test day was a raining day and I can remember when I was on my way to the test,
sweat kept falling down from my palm and my leg was shaking constantly and I frequently
asked my friend how long it will take to arrive. My friend smiled and looked at me clapping
me on the shoulder saying “take it easy bro, you’ll be alright. The test is not that difficult.”
After listening the encouragement from my friends, I felt a little bit better. I gradually
regained my composure and became confident.
In fact, because of the weather my friend can’t drive to fast, so we were a little bit lare
on that day. Fortunately, the examiner was a nice and kind lady and she just said in this
weather there are more challenge for you to pass this test and good luck. There were a lot of
cars on the street. It’s noisy and I can clear hear the sound from car’s horn which made me
feel annoyed and nervous. At the time, my palms were sweating again. I felt like everything
around me is an obstacle for me, so I cannot focus at all actually. Suddenly, I heard the
examiner yield at me, “slow down, slow down!” Her voice was quite strict and mad. At the
moment, I realized that there’s a red signal light in front of me, meanwhile I can hear the
sound from my feet to brake the car and the friction between car’s wheel and the ground. The
examiner almost screamed out and I was scared so much that I can’t thinking anything at that
moment since I almost hit the car that in in front of me. I forced myself to take a deep breath.
The air tastes like full of the nervous. I can even smell my sweat from my palm and face. The
red light changed to green and I kept driving, the the examiner rolled down the window and
said “relax.” I looked outside and took a deep breath again. My nose suddenly filled in the
sweet fresh air that produced by soil after rain. It made me feel relaxed, so I calmed down
again. Then she sent me a candy and said don’t worry, you’ll be fine. I put that candy in my
mouth and felt like I was taking a candy shower. I can smell the sweet air everywhere. I felt
the world is so beautiful and there is nothing barrier that can keep me from success. My
whole body focused on the driving. My hand unconsciously held the steering wheel tightly.
At the time, I felt that steering wheel is one of part of my body. I full of the confidence right
away. Also, my heart beat became normal again and my palm did not sweat anymore. My
eyes can see anything including cars, stop signs and pedestrian at the time.
As a result, I was not only stopped my car at every stop sign and signal light but also
yield to every pedestrian in time. I didn’t feel nervous anymore and I didn’t make mistake
again as well. Finally, the examiner told me that even if you made a little bit mistake at the
crossroad which is you didn’t see the traffic signal at the time, you still did a good job on the
rest of your test. So, congratulation you passed the test! What? I asked her. I was probably
too happy to realized that I have passed the test. You made it. You passed the test!
Congratulation! The examiner repeated. Before the examiner got the last word out, I had run
to look for my friend since I was too happy and I can’t wait to tell them good news.
The reason why I pick this topic is because this experience was a big pleasure for me
and I want to share this unique experience to my classmates and professor. Plus, through this
test, I have known more differences between the US and China. As for Chinese, we still have
a lot of things to improve and as for students who studying in the US, there are a lot of things
that we can learn from America. I enjoyed to write this essay because I can share my
experience to others and I think th …
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